RELATIONSHIP MENTORING
Dating
How this planet ends up having nine billion people in existence is absolutely astounding to me considering how we go about courtship and the methods we use to court. For some reason the whole of our planet is under the opinion that courtship is an inherently known ability. Nothing could be further from the truth. You have to learn how to drive a car, you have to learn how to speak, you have to learn your profession—so wouldn’t logic dictate that you might have to learn how to court? This is not about turning you into somebody you’re not, nor is it about creating someone with undue influence over the opposite sex. This is about you being you in the courtship process. Considering that when you meet someone and you start a relationship with them that this could result in you making radical geographic location changes and leaving friends behind and making a whole set of new ones, making career changes, and having children, it stands to reason that since dating is where all this starts—you need to be good at it! Good at it being: putting yourself forward so that you feel confident and comfortable in yourself throughout the process, and dealing with any fear and uncertainty. The beginning of anything tells us an awful lot about how things will end. I think the notion that we are inherently capable of courtship has a lot to do with the current 50-75% relationship failure rate in the U.S. Most of us learned how to date in our teenage years and do not advance our skills beyond that. Do you really want to use the skill set of a teenager to create a lifelong relationship? I can help you hone your dating skills to accurately assess the desire of your affection, and also to help you accurately assess yourself as the person who is pursuing the desire of your affection. Love, without a doubt, is one of the most powerful drugs that we humans can get our hands on. Sometimes it’s nice to have someone outside guide us and be a sounding board when we are under the influence of love.
Relationship Transition
The unfortunate reality about relationships, especially in the USA, is that we have an exceptionally high separation rate. If you find yourself at that point where you have decided to start questioning whether or not you want to remain in the relationship that you currently have, as a mentor I can help you evaluate whether your relationship is viable or whether it is time to move on. If you have decided that it's time to move on, I can help you with this process. There are a lot of emotional pitfalls associated with the end of a relationship. Many of these are the province of a psychotherapist. However, an advocate such as a mentor can be a huge help in the actual structural part of ending a relationship. It's like any other project—it will need a plan of action created that is adjustable to accommodate the fact that there are two parties, often vying for the same interest. The strategy-structure will have to be broken down into small units and then these units will have to be resolved sequentially to bring about the end result, which is a successful divorce (if married) or separation (if not married). I am often asked how the mentoring service differs from psychotherapy. One of the first differences that stands out is generally a psychotherapist does not accompany you to your attorney's office to help you choose a divorce attorney—a mentor does. Generally psychotherapists don't accompany their clients to a settlement mediation for a divorce—a mentor does. A mentor can help you evaluate what possessions you really want to hold on to or which ones you want to let go. Having an advocate that's around who understands the lay of the land and has been down this road with many clients is very beneficial. If you are working with a psychotherapist, they are going to focus on emotional support. Your attorney handles the legal aspects. I as your mentor will keep you on point for the tasks at hand, help you get and stay organized, help you understand the steps, and get the transition accomplished. When you consider the emotional distress and the cost of ending a relationship, it's really helpful to have a mentor to expedite the process.
